Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem after a Breakup

Life often takes unexpected turns, and one of the most challenging detours can be a separation or divorce. As a mother of three who has navigated the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup and emerged stronger on the other side, I understand the toll it can take on self-esteem. In this blog, we'll explore practical and heartfelt strategies to help fellow mums rebuild their confidence and rediscover their worth after going through a separation.

Here are a few tips that I found helpful and hopefully you will too.  If you need more support – check out my 12 week signature programme ‘Breakup to breakthrough’.

Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself.  If you make a mistake or snap at the kids, remember you are going through a lot right now and things will get better.  You have to understand that there is healing is a process, and takes time. If you catch yourself giving yourself a hard time or feeling like you are under performing as a mother, think - what advice would you give to a friend if she told you same story – give yourself a break.

Positive Affirmations: Separation can trigger a barrage of negative thoughts and self-doubt. It can be really difficult to change your mindset as it is such an emotional time and there is a grieving process that you have to go through until you reach the stage of forgiveness. But challenging these thoughts and replacing them with positive affirmations can help you remember your worth. Remind yourself of your strengths, accomplishments, and the love and support you can offer to your children. Affirmations are positive statements that are repeated regularly to promote boost self-esteem.  You might be feeling sad, angry, confused but this break up is not going to define you.  Work out what your mantra is and practice it daily or have it stuck to the fridge.

Set Achievable Goals: Sometimes when you are at rock bottom the only way is up! Start with small, achievable goals and gradually work your way up to larger ones. Each accomplishment boosts your confidence and self-esteem. It sounds so easy doesn’t it - setting some goals and working out what you want, but it took me a while to do this as I was always putting everyone else’s needs before my own. I still remember the pivotal moment when I was asked to write down my needs and wants from a relationship and then realised that wasn’t getting hardly any of them! So actually who was better off???

Engage in Self-Discovery: View the separation as an opportunity for personal growth. Reflect on the lessons learned from the relationship and use them to become a stronger, wiser version of yourself. Embracing personal development fosters resilience and enhances self-esteem. Once I passed my Diploma in counselling - I felt like superwoman! I was so empowered and excited to rediscover the new me, I could not wait to take on the next challenge. Reconnect with your values, wants and needs. Once you are clear on what is important to you, you can start to work out your roadmap of how to achieve it.  Rediscovering what you love can reignite your sense of self and is closely linked to your wellbeing.

Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Find your people, family & friends that can support you.  And find new people too.  You are not alone, so don’t be afraid to reach out and make the first step. Us parents have to stick together, we are all in this together. Don’t be afraid to tell someone how bad it is at the baby group or in the park at the weekend. We have all had bad days and sharing your story can create connections and friendships.

Engage in Self-Care:  This is so important and you won’t feel like doing this until you have come through the anger or sadness stage.  For me my vice was smoking 20 roll ups a day!  But as my emotions and my mind calmed down with the help of coaching I was able to prioritize self-care activities that make me feel good about myself again. Now I know what works for me, so I schedule it in to my weekly routine. At home I do one fitness class a week where I give it my all and god I am so happy after that! And I now apply it to work making sure I get a 10 min break after every 60 mins of work. That could be a cup of tea, a chat to a colleague or a quick breath of fresh air. Let you brain have a bit of down time too.

Remember that rebuilding self-esteem is a gradual process, and it's normal to have ups and downs along the way. Be patient with yourself and stay committed to your self-improvement journey. Over time, you'll likely find that your self-esteem grows stronger, and you regain a sense of self-worth and confidence.