Finding Balance in the Midst of Exhaustion as a Single Co-Parent of Three Young Children

Being a single co-parent of three children under ten years old is a heroic feat in itself. But whether you have three, two or one child -the relentless demands of parenting, household chores, and work, can take its toll on you physically, mentally and emotionally!  So ask yourself this question today…how are you honestly feeling and give yourself a score out of 10.

When I grew up in Dorset, there was a lot more family support available for my parents.  That old saying that it takes a village to raise a child and yet we definitely had that kind of vibe that neighbours, friends and family all pitched in.  Yes, I have chosen to live in London for many reasons and it has many perks but if you don’t make the effort to find your people or village, parenting can feel very isolating.  For example, if you are a working parent who drops off your child to nursery or the childminder at 7.30am – you never get to meet any other mums or dads at drop off.  TICK – been there!  Or perhaps you are so exhausted from breastfeeding all night that you don’t have the energy to get out the house, let alone speak to any new parents.  TICK – been there too!

So which type of parent are you, how many boxes are you ticking right now? 

The Perfectionist Parent

This parent strives for perfection in every aspect of parenting.   You set extremely high standards for yourself and your children, often leading to stress and exhaustion when those standards aren't met. The constant pursuit of perfection can drain your energy and contribute to feelings of inadequacy.

The Over-Involved Parent

This type of parent is highly engaged in every detail of their child's life, from schoolwork to extracurricular activities. You often sacrifice your own needs and interests to prioritize your children's, leading to burnout due to lack of personal time and self-care.

The Single Parent

Single parents often face the challenge of managing all parenting responsibilities on their own. Without a partner to share the load, you can quickly become overwhelmed by the demands of work, household chores, and childcare, resulting in burnout from trying to juggle too many tasks simultaneously.

The High-Achieving Parent

These parents have demanding careers or personal goals that they try to balance with parenting. The pressure to succeed both professionally and as a parent can be immense, leaving little time for relaxation or self-care, which can lead to burnout.

The Financially Stressed Parent

Parents who are struggling with financial difficulties may experience significant stress trying to provide for their family. The constant worry about money, combined with the demands of parenting, can lead to a high level of burnout.

 The Sandwich Generation Parent

These parents are caught between caring for their children and their aging parents. The dual caregiving responsibilities can be overwhelming, leaving little time for self-care and increasing the risk of burnout.

These are just a few that I can think of and I am sure there must be a lot more.  Now lets look at some small change of habits that can help keep parental burnout at bay.

Finding Balance: Practical Tips

1. Establish a Routine:

Children thrive on routine, and having a predictable schedule can make life easier for you too.  We plan out our week now every Tuesday night when I pick the kids ups from their dads, from chores to activities, playdates and meals.  Once they know what is happening and its on the chart – they love to tick it off once its done.  But if plans change or they want to do something else – that’s OK too.

2. Simplify meals and meal plan:

OK – I am not the best cook and one thing that’s frustrates me the most is when I have spent time and money preparing a new dish and the children refuse to eat it!!!  Drives me bonkers, so what happens – we end up eating the same meals each week!  Now I let them choose the meals for next week which allows me to eat my kinda food at the weekends.  Meal planning and batch cooking can save time, money and reduce stress and I would definitely recommend you do this.

3. Prioritise self-care:

It's easy to overlook self-care when you're exhausted, but taking care of yourself is crucial. Even if it’s just a few minutes a day, find time to do something that recharges you—whether it's a quiet cup of tea, a short walk, or a few pages of a book. Remember, a well-rested parent is more patient and effective.

4. Seek support:

Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Whether it’s reaching out to family, friends, or joining a local support group, connecting with others can provide emotional support and practical assistance. Online communities can also be a great source of advice and camaraderie for single parents.  School playgrounds, children’s clubs, and local community events can be good places to meet like-minded mums.

5. Embrace flexibility:

Be kind to yourself and accept that not everything will go as planned. Flexibility is key. If the laundry doesn’t get done or the dishes pile up, it’s okay. Prioritise what truly matters and let go of perfectionism.

6. Utilise resources:

Take advantage of available resources. Many communities offer affordable or free activities for children, such as library story times, community centre events, and local playgroups. These can provide enriching experiences for your kids without breaking the bank.

Balancing the demands of being a single co-parent of three young children in the UK is undeniably challenging. The exhaustion is real and the pressures are immense, but with some strategic planning and self-compassion, it's possible to find moments of balance. Establishing routines, simplifying tasks, prioritising self-care, seeking support, embracing flexibility, and utilising resources can make a significant difference. Remember, you're not alone in this journey, and every small step towards balance is a victory worth celebrating.